You know it's bad when new-mom Jallapeno is posting more than me.

Well, I got through the weekend. I've heard nothing but good things from the staff, and the people who attended. Crowd around and pat me on the back. I managed to co-ordinate not 1, not 2, not even 3, but F-O-U-R major events, all in one weekend. Overlooking the occasional snafus, I rocked the Kasbah.

Now that's I've spent the last month in a frenzy, I came into my office, after our weekly 'information sharing' weekend, and didn't know what to do with myself. I have lots of deadlines to meet, but most of them are pretty far away. What to do... what to do....

Shopping for Sex Toys for the Sexual Repressed

A friend came over to my place last night. She has been a bridesmaid in approximately 18 000 weddings in the past year. Ironically, she has no plans on getting married, and does not buy into the whole 'wedding culture'. I find it hilarious each time she's asked to participate in another wedding and all their associated showers (did you know that brides have more than one shower?? I had no idea, but I'm totally starting my wish list now...). She doesn't find it as funny as I do.

Anyway, the newest wedding is for an (obviously) good friend of hers. During university, they were allies in the fight against marital, yet ignorant bliss. Unfortunately, though the friend recently jumped shipped, and is now on the Good Ship Giant-Binder-Full-Of-Wedding-Plans. That in itself is not the problem. Love is power, and that type of thing happens all the time, I assume.

So, what's the problem? The bride, who has come from a particularly devout Baptist background is now marrying a devout Baptist pastor. Again, this isn't the problem. They will no doubt make a wonderful couple. The problem is that one of the 4 dozen showers held for the bride is a "personal shower", where the bride receives gifts suitable for the... ahem... boudoir.

So, we (or rather, hahahah, my friend) finds herself in a connundrum. How can you buy something sexual for someone who is quite naive and immature in regards to sexual relations?

This is where I come in.

I first suggested The Joy of Sex (or, the updated New Joy of Sex). These books are quite vanilla, though the pictures are beautiful, yet graphic, and hence (to me) arousing. More importantly, it is extremely educational, and good primer for first timers - heaven knows it helped me.

I then suggested a more avant-garde alternative. Oh yes. Nothing says devotion like a crucifix in your vagina.

Ok, no, seriously. I then suggested something much less offensive to the sexual cro-magnon. The Kama Sutra line has lots of lotions and potions that could be used together, or alone. Things like body powder, lotions, and bath gel could all be used by the bride alone, as she prepares herself to serve out her female duties.

*shudder*

Anyway. In a case such a this, what is our mission? To educate, of course! Education is power, no? Thinking of titles I've read/read about before, Orgasms for Two is a great resource, and doesn't have naked people on the front, which is a plus. Ooh, this one's good too. Ha. Aw, come on, click on the link.

I think if it were me, I would make a grab bag of things. Some tame, maybe some bubble bath, candles, and then sneak in some more racier things, like lube (I will bet my job that she'll need it... yikes), a feather or two, and maybe a good book. Does anyone else have any good suggestions?

I just got back from a conference. It was completely useless, and was mainly a forum for politicians to say how well they were doing. Whenever we would make a suggestion, some woman would stand up and explain that 'that's not within their policy'. In short, *sigh*.

On the other hand, I spent Wednesday night getting snackered with a bunch of Newfs. We I told dirty jokes. One of the gentlemen had a Vince Vaughn type feel to him, and the other was a stereotypical Newf, with poor articulation, but excellent vocabulary, little teeth, a taste for alcohol, and a constantly winking eye. We got home at 11:30, but we were henceforth known by all other con-goers as the group who stayed up 'all night'.

MW and I went to the Zoo yesterday. All the good exibits were closed - the otter, the goats, and the deer. You can usually feed the latter two, but I guess we have to wait a few weeks for that.

So, next week will be... challenging. I have three major events next week, and I'm co-ordinating all of them. I'm hoping to just get through them alive, frankly. I'm typically not a stressful person, but just thinking about it tightens my shoulder muscles. I hope to post again before the end of the week. If I don't, send out a rescue team.

The first part of the title is about my day... the second part is hopefully about my night.

I realized this afternoon that I command little respect from people. I'm generally very laid back, and passive. Today I chaired a meeting that put a spotlight on these 'faults' of mine, and I was left feeling very angry, and slightly ridiculous.

With that aside, MW is coming down for a surprise visit. I am pulsing with anticipation!

I felt like writing more, but my mind is wandering and all I can think of are penises and ice cream.

And so, with that, let the weekend begin!

I've been working steadily this week. Most of my work has, I believe, little impact on the universe.

I've begun thinking about all the millions of people, just like me, who go to work every day, to see in their offices (or whereever) and do all the little tasks that need to be done for that day.

Why?

So many people, spending so much time doing things that, ultimately, are useless. For instance, I spent today redesigning course material for a course that will be delivered in a few weeks. It 'needed' to be done, but why?

I spent the after in a meeting discussing a project that involves getting parents' stories on recipe cards, to put in a resource box. The meeting was 2 hours long. Why?

The thing that really boggles my mind, though is that there are MILLIONS of people who are doing the same type of thing I do! And what does it accomplish?

I'm not thinking about all this in a job satisfaction, woe is me context. I just find it baffling.

Ah. Fridays.

The office went out for lunch today, to celebrate the birthday of the head honcho. Once again, sadly, smoking becomes a catalyst for comradery. Unbeknowst to me, I caught a ride in the 'smoking van' on the way to lunch. Once all the cigs got lit up, I noticed everyone in the van seem to become human, and became less convervative than they appear during office hours. Granted, the smell was unappetizing, but that 5 minute ride helped me to connect with my co-workers, something I hadn't been able to do since arriving here.

It's back home this weekend. I have a bag full of toys and porn, and a head full of naughty thoughts. I believe the SmartBalls will make their maiden voyage with me while I ride home on the bus. I'll let you know how that turns out.

Now it's off to eat cake, and play the office game - smile at awkward jokes, suppress the dirty jokes I'd like to tell, and pretent to be really focused on work.

Maybe I'll put the balls in before the cake.

Oh. My. God. I just found an online version of a bit part of my childhood.

LEMMINGS!!!!

... When it comes to porn, though, feel free to get a little.... freaky.

Blame it on the vaginal renaissance, but this week I spent too much money on sex toys and porn. As I've already mentioned, I'm now the proud owner of a pair of Smartballs. I haven't tried them yet, but I'm sure my first experience with them will be hillarious, so you'll be the first to know.

Having my own set of balls wasn't enough though.

Friday night, after arriving back home, I went out with a friend of mine. I felt like going to one of the local sex stores, so she obliged me. I'll keep her purchases private (*cough*doubleendedildo*cough*), but I got two purchases, that I wasn't even intending on getting.

As far as vibes and dildos go, I pretty much got everything covered. I've got small ones, big, thick ones, with balls, without, rotating heads, slim, simple... I've got pretty much everything I've ever lusted for. So, this particular evening, I wandered around looking for something new, or if not new, than at least practical and reliable.

If you've ever watched The Sunday Night Sex Show, you've probably heard about the Fukuoku 9000. I've realized, lately, how much fun little vibes can be during couple-sex. I do have a small vibe already, but it can sometimes be a bit to big and clumsy. Though I haven't used the F9000 with company yet, the solo effort seemed to have worked well. :)

Oh, and let's not forget the porn. I'm at work, so I'm not going to find a link for you, but the back of the DVD case gave a synopsis that was quite detailed and, well, complicated, as far as porn goes. It has something to do with a big-brotheresque world, and government plots, etc, etc, etc. The other thing that caught my eye is that inexplicably, one of the men pictured on the back is wearing a frilly, lacy bra. It just seemed.. out of place. Though I didn't watch it last night, I did quickly scan through the chapters. It looks pretty good, though there was one scene that featured nipple clamps that freaked me out a bit.

That's it for now. I will be posting soon on a rather interesting canning experience.

Me? Canning?

Ha. Oh yes.

PS: I am so totally kidding about the double-ended dildo.